5 Tips for Parenting Highly Sensitive Children
What does the term ‘highly sensitive person’ (HSP) or ‘highly sensitive child’ (HSC) mean?
The term ‘highly sensitive’ was first used in the late 90’s by psychologist and researcher Dr. Elaine Aron. It isn’t a diagnostic term or psychological condition, but an overarching way to describe people who have heightened sensitivities to sensory input, including the environment, physical senses and emotions.
Being a highly sensitive person can be an exhausting experience for both children and adults alike. Imagine having a permanently enhanced, highly sensitive radar, finely attuned to all forms of sensory input in the world around you. This includes sensitivity to physical and environmental stimuli, such as sounds, smells, taste or touch. Highly sensitive people also feel their own emotions deeply and with intensity and are easily affected by the emotions of people around them.
Highly sensitive people are usually exceptionally empathetic, are perceptive, attuned to the feelings of others and often incredibly intuitive. Whilst these are wonderful qualities to have, they can also lead to emotional overwhelm, hyper-vigilance, feelings of being ‘on edge’ or which provoke anxiety. For example, highly sensitive people notice small, micro-changes in someone’s body language or tone, will pick up on even mild tension between people and generally notice subtle differences in their environment that may go unnoticed by others.
Kids are constantly bombarded with sensory stimuli. A day at school involves being in an energetic environment, with changing activities, surroundings and constant social interaction. For a highly sensitive child, a day at school requires a marathon effort from the brain. This isn’t to say your highly sensitive child is unhappy at school. It’s likely, for the most part, that they are engaged in class, enjoy playing with friends and may be quite noisy themselves. It does mean that by the end of the day, they are likely to be exhausted. So, it’s no surprise that they experience meltdowns or resist extra-curricular activities after school, and when they do get home, like to spend some time alone.
How can you help your child?
Here are 5 parenting strategies that are widely recommended by industry experts. We’ve also found these really useful ourselves.
1) Validate their feelings and acknowledge their experiences.
You can support your child by validating their feelings and reactions. At times, it may seem that your child has extreme responses to small or trivial things, however, from their perspective (with their highly sensitive radar) the trigger would have felt big and overwhelming. Acknowledging what they are experiencing will provide reassurance and help them to feel understood.
2) Maintain a stable routine.
Highly sensitive children respond well to consistent schedules and structure in their environment. The predictability of a stable routine provides a sense of comfort and security. Consider your child’s after-school and extra-curricular activities and at times, reducing a few commitments to give them some additional downtime.
3) Plan and prepare.
If there is an event coming up that you think may be overwhelming for your child, for e.g. a birthday party in a loud, busy environment, talk to your them and plan ahead. Providing them with details about the event such as the location or number of attendees, can take away some of the unknowns and help them feel prepared. This is a great opportunity to talk through different coping strategies and how your child could use them at the event if needed.
4) Create a quiet space and encourage down time.
Quiet time, away from unnecessary sensory input, is essential for a highly sensitive child. This is what they need to recharge their energy. Create a calm space at home where your child can go to relax and re-energise, ideally away from other people or distractions. This could easily be your child’s room, however, excessive clutter can overwhelm a highly sensitive brain, so remind them (or help them) to keep their room fairly tidy. Actively encourage calm time, even when they are not feeling overwhelmed. This will help your child develop healthy self-care habits in the future.
5) Highlight their positives
Highly sensitive children are often compassionate and caring. They are generally loyal friends and good team players, as they are attuned to others and can consider other people’s views. Your child may be highly creative, with an amazing imagination due to their heightened perception and ability to absorb details about the world that others may not. Highlighting these positive traits will boost your child’s self-esteem and teach them to recognise these positive qualities in themselves.
There is plenty of additional information about highly sensitive children online. Some suggested sources are Focus on the Family Australia or Raising Children Network.
Sometimes, heightened sensitivities can be a sign of another condition such as Sensory Processing Disorder, ADHD or Autism. If you are worried about your child, or their sensitivities significantly interfere with day to day life, you should seek professional advice.
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Raising Children Network. 2024. Sensory processing difficulties. https://raisingchildren.net.au/guides/a-z-health-reference/sensory-processing-difficulties
Focus on the Family. 2024. Understanding highly sensitive children. https://families.org.au/article/understanding-highly-sensitive-children/
Lerner, C. 2022. 10 traits of highly sensitive children.Psychology Today.https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/zero-six/202202/10-traits-highly-sensitive-children
Neff, M. 2024.15 parenting tips to help highly sensitive children thrive.Neurodivergent Insights. https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/15-parenting-tips-hsp
Jarai, M. 2022. What is a a highly sensitive person. Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/highly-sensitive-person
