Managing Back-To-School Anxiety
Most kids have now been back at school for a few weeks. For parents and caregivers, the return of school often means regaining some sense of routine and consistency, which after the long summer holidays, can be quite a relief!
The return to routine also benefits kids, giving them some predictability and structure however, the first few weeks of school can also present many unknowns. Getting used to changes in teachers, classrooms or friends can create a lot of stress, so don’t be alarmed if the first week hasn’t gone smoothly. Most parents will have grumpy kids on their hands or meltdowns to manage. The transition back to school after a long break and re-adjusting to the demands of school life can be incredibly exhausting.
The timeframe in which kids adjust varies, but generally it takes a few weeks for a sense of ‘normality’ to resume and for feelings to settle. For kids who struggle with back-to-school anxiety, it can be a lengthy adjustment period.
Some tips that we find useful during this time are:
Let them express themselves: Acknowledge that the situation is draining for them, both emotionally and physically. Let them communicate their feelings, be patient, listen and validate their experiences. Kids can have an overflow of emotions pent up from during their day, and often just need to let it out and feel heard.
Build the schedule up slowly: There’s a lot of pressure on parents to make sure their kids are involved in ‘enough’ extra-curricular activities these days. When making decisions about activities, focus on what will be manageable for your kids and don’t be afraid to introduce activities to the schedule gradually. Try to be flexible and attuned to their emotions. Missing the occasional swimming lesson to allow them to relax after school when needed can work wonders.
Shift focus to the positives: We tend to focus on the negatives, especially when stressed, anxious or tired. Remember to focus on what is going well. It’s likely there are plenty of little wins and successes that have happened already since the return to school. When you notice these, make a point of letting your kids know.
You also may like to try another effective strategy created by Hannah Leib, a child and adolescent therapist, published in Psychology Today.
One of ‘Hannah’s Hints’ is a technique based on cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which aims to change automatic thinking patterns and reframing thoughts to something more positive. This technique involves viewing anxiety as separate from oneself, imagining the ‘anxious voice’ as a separate entity, giving it a name and using the anxious voice to externalise anxious thoughts.
Being able to take a step back from anxious thoughts and feelings can help stabilise emotions, lead to clearer thinking and more effective decision making. Also, for children, sometimes they may begin to view anxiety and worry as part of their ‘self’, so recognising it as a separate entity is important, providing them a sense of control.
The suggested process is:
Ask your child to imagine that the voice in their head that thinks anxious or worried thoughts doesn’t belong to them. Help them decide on a name for their ‘anxious voice’, which can be absolutely anything. For this example, we’ll call the ‘anxious voice’ Floopy.
When your child shares a worry or anxious thought, ask them to talk to Floopy as if it were a separate person. This can be tricky to learn at first, so talk through the situation with them to provide guidance.
Example conversation:
Child/Parent: What is worrying you or making you anxious, Floopy?
Floopy: I’m worried about not having any friends in my new class. All my friends from last year are in a different class. What if they don’t want to be my friend anymore?
Child/Parent: Isn’t it exciting that you have a chance to make new friends?
Floopy: No, I miss my old friends.
Child/Parent: You’ll still be able to see your old friends at recess or lunchtime. That will be nice won’t it? It might take time to get to know some of the new students, but I bet you’ll make some great new friends.
Continue encouraging your child to challenge their anxious thoughts and help guide them to talk through scenarios. It can also help to remind them that our thoughts are not necessarily reality; sometimes our thoughts aren’t helpful to us and we should practise letting them go.
Try to be patient, offer reassurance and understanding (this can be a hard task for parents after a busy, stressful day so be patient with yourself also). Hopefully, in a few weeks’ time, everyone has fallen into a workable, healthy schedule and your kids are feeling more settled at school.
If the anxious feelings don’t go away, seem more intense or frequent, or are significantly interfering with everyday life, it may be worthwhile seeking professional support.
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Healthy Children. (2023). Help your child manage anxiety: tips for home and school. Healthy Children. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/Pages/help-your-child-manage-fears-and-anxieties.aspx
Royal Children's Hospital Mental Health Department. (2022). Anxiety - primary school aged children. The Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne. https://www.rch.org.au/kidsinfo/anxiety-primary-aged/
Leib, H. (2023). Navigating back to school anxiety. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/helping-youth-in-crisis/202308/navigating-back-to-school-anxiety
