Anger
“Feelings are much like waves, we can’t stop them from coming, but we can choose which ones to surf.”
Jonathan Martensson
It is not unusual for young children to experience tantrums, have emotional outbursts, be irrational, bad-tempered and generally cranky! While it is common for children to experience these emotions more frequently (and intensely) than adults, it doesn’t make it easy to deal with.
Anger can also mask other emotions. It is often a sign of frustration, distress or even sadness; the challenging part is identifying the source. Anger can manifest itself in different ways for different children, some may experience it only at home, some may be sullen, some may have reactions in public.
How do you know when the anger your child is experiencing is beyond developmental norms?
If your child experiences explosive behaviour a lot, it could be a sign of a problem. As a child matures, meltdowns should decrease. Children older than eight are typically able to better regulate their emotions.
It might be time to seek professional support if angry outbursts are making life at home consistently difficult, preventing your child maintaining friendships, or if your child becomes a danger to themselves or others.
What can you do to help your child manage feelings of anger?
When a child is in their ‘angry’ mode, the emotional part of their brain is in control. They are unable to respond with the rational part of their brain. Now is not the time to ‘teach’ or lecture.
Your response, (difficult as it is), is to keep calm and use a neutral tone to diffuse the emotion. It’s important to validate your child’s emotions, offer them reassurance and to an emotionally safe environment where they feel comfortable expressing themselves.
Strategies such as distractions, breathing techniques, or finding healthy ways to blow off some steam, such as bursts of exercise, can help.
If a child physically lashes out, you should of course remove them from the situation and remind them that it’s not ok to hurt others (or themselves) regardless of how you feel. When your child is calmer, then you address the underlying issues.
Our Kid’s Cards provide a range of research-based strategies to help children develop emotion regulation skills.
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